Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My dick has a subreddit
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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