honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
