I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
