I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
