is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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