There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
did i walk over a car last night?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
