Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
