there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
