It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
