I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
