So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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