I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
