After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
