I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
