so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
