Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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