Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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