i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
