Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
