goodnight i made you a song goodbye
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
it's great music for shaving your balls
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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