my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
