I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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