This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
