Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I wish i was in the wii world.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
