Reggie can tackle my bush.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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