threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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