the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Randomize
