I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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