My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
