In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
