There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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