this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
