um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
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I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
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I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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