The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
