you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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