a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
