i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
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dude i'm inner monologue high
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
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I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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