all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
