I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
sex in a hospital.. check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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