DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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