I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
