god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
