I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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