I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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