I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
