Just cropdusted the office
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
