Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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