ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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