That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
