I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
