I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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