lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
