Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
