I think my fart just growled at me.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
