he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
