Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
