Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
