Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm always down for nudity.
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