Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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