Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
