he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
love makes seman taste better
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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