she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
