I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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