Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Sorry about my life...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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