I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
