After last night, I could never be a politician.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
a search helicopter?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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