To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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