You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
