I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
