I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
