guys are only as good as the porn they watch
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
