I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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