So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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