Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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