I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
