So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
