does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm just crazy horny about you
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
