i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize