The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
