Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
