3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
is it fun? or sober?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
