She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
