i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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