Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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