why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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