My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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