Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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